


This Purgatory Dream

by jessisaurus



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Angst, Child Neglect, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Gen, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 18:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15394509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessisaurus/pseuds/jessisaurus
Summary: Spencer’s natural toothy smile quickly faded and was replaced by the tight forced smile her parents were used to seeing. Her mother didn’t notice. The next day, she approached her mom about finding a study aid, downplaying her proudest achievements and exaggerating her inability to focus. It almost scared her how easy it was to lie.Title from the song “Intermission” by Sleeping At Last





	This Purgatory Dream

The girls wanted to have an end-of-summer sleepover. Spencer was indifferent to the idea, having spent most of the summer studying for the extra Hollis College classes she was taking, playing tennis at the club, practicing for the upcoming field hockey season, and trying not to get crushed under the weight of Melissa’s growing reputation as the favorite daughter. Melissa had spent the summer as an intern at an impressive business in the city, and Spencer was once again pushed to the side. Spencer knew she would never catch up with Melissa, but that didn’t mean she would ever give up trying. That’s where the pills came in handy.

The pills had been prescribed the same way they were for so many other struggling students. She didn’t really have ADHD, she knew that, but compared to Melissa’s superhuman ability to multitask and focus, Spencer looked like the world’s biggest slacker.

* * *

 

_“Mom! Hi!” Spencer said, grinning, as she entered the kitchen after school. She had one hand in her backpack, fingers clutching her latest A+ school paper, ready to proudly present it to her mother._

_“Did you hear the news, Spencer? A paper Melissa wrote is being_ published _. Isn’t that_ amazing _?” her mom replied without even returning the greeting._

_Spencer’s natural toothy smile quickly faded and was replaced by the tight forced smile her parents were used to seeing. Her mother didn’t notice._

_“Oh. Wow. That’s- that’s great. Wow,” she forced out. She smiled again and fled to her room. The paper, with its glowing positive remarks and impressive letter grade was added to a binder of Spencer’s own personal academic achievements and then hidden away in a desk drawer. Her parents would never see it._

_The next day, she approached her mom about finding a study aid, downplaying her proudest achievements and exaggerating her inability to focus. It almost scared her how easy it was to lie._

* * *

 

So she got a prescription for Adderall, her already-impressive academic performance improved, and her parents were finally pleased. For the first few months, things were perfect. She maintained straight A’s, competed with the Decathlon team, worked as the Sophomore Student Council president, played on the field hockey team, and still had the mental energy left over to spend time with her friends  _and_ fit in extra late-night workouts with her seemingly-limitless energy.

But it didn’t last. Soon the pills weren’t just for a boost, they were for living. She would stay up late and then need even more synthetic energy the next day to make up for it. She spent months living off of pills, even after the school year ended. By the weekend of the Labor Day sleepover, Spencer was running on fumes and barely keeping it together.

* * *

 

_Spencer wasn’t totally delusional, she knew that abusing a prescription like this was dangerous. She just wasn’t counting on anyone to call her out on her it. The last person she expected to care was Alison. But it was the crafty blonde who cornered her one afternoon at her locker after school just before summer break._

_“You need to stop.” She said it how a cop would tell a criminal to ‘come out with her hands up.’_

_She couldn’t have this conversation. There wasn’t one to be had. She had no choice, she needed these pills. Spencer played dumb._

_“I don’t know what you’re taking about,” she replied, keeping her red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes resolutely on the books she was packing into her backpack._

_“Don’t play dumb, Spencer,” Ali said, stepping in closer._

_“I can’t talk about this right now, Ali,” Spencer replied quickly, closing her locker and taking a step away from her friend._

_Ali put her hand on her bicep to stop her before she could get too far._

_“I understand, Spencer. I do,” Ali said, sounding uncommonly sincerity for a moment before returning to her usual commanding tone. “But you have to stop this. You’re going to get caught, and then what will you do?”_

_“What are_ you  _gonna do, Ali? Tell my parents?” she threw back. “I can’t stop taking the pills now. They finally see me now. They’re proud. They’re_ proud _, Ali!”_

_Spencer heard her own voice growing louder and more desperate as she spoke but could do nothing to change it._

_“I know, Spencer,” Ali’s sincere voice was back and it threw Spencer off for a moment. “I know. But you’re going to get hurt. And I don’t want to see you get hurt.”_

_Ali’s sincerity made Spencer suspicious. Ali was never this caring or concerned. Not without an ulterior motive. What was going on? If only Spencer could dig through the fog of sleep deprivation and drugged alertness._

_“I can’t talk about this right now, Ali,” she repeated, pulling away from friend’s grip and retreating quickly down the hallway. She didn’t remember the journey home, only returning to full consciousness as she closed her bedroom door behind her 30 minutes later._

* * *

 

She had no energy to plan a party but she did it anyway. Or she must have since the barn was all set up and ready for guests, even if she didn’t quite remember moving all the snacks or blankets into the barn. She was indifferent to a party, too tired-and-wired to care about much of anything. She had been operating on autopilot for much of the summer, relieved that Alison had promised to keep her secret. But she wasn’t sure, herself, how long she would be able to keep this up.

The party itself was a confusing blur of laughter and talking and yelling. The next morning Alison was missing and Spencer’s precariously balanced world teetered off course. She went a week without sleeping and ended up passing out on a lawn chair during a chilly autumn thunderstorm after accidentally locking herself out of the house. Her mother found her the next morning, shivering and delirious, and that was the end of the pills.

Spencer stayed stubbornly silent through her father’s lecturing, avoiding eye contact with him or her mother, who watched her with a disapproving look from across the living room. She didn’t cry until the following night as she suffered through the beginnings of withdrawal. Her parents readily chalked up the whole incident as a bout of bad judgment and teenage stupidity and they all moved on. Or that’s what her parents called it - moving on. Spencer wasn’t so sure she ever would.


End file.
